Recognising the Signs of Depression in Children

When we picture depression, we often think of a grown adult who feels persistently sad and withdrawn. But in children, the picture is far more complicated — and far more easily overlooked. A child who is depressed may not seem sad at all. They may seem angry, clingy, restless, or simply difficult. Understanding how depression actually shows up in young people is the first step to getting them the support they deserve.

It Often Doesn't Look Like Sadness

One of the most important things parents and teachers can know is this: childhood depression frequently presents as irritability rather than low mood. A child who snaps at everything, becomes easily frustrated, or seems permanently "on edge" may not be having a behavioural problem — they may be struggling emotionally in a way they simply cannot put into words.

Other common signs include withdrawing from friends and activities they used to enjoy, a noticeable drop in school performance or motivation, complaints of stomach aches or headaches with no clear physical cause, changes in sleep — sleeping far more than usual, or struggling to sleep at all — and changes in appetite. None of these signs on their own point definitively to depression, but a cluster of them, lasting more than a couple of weeks, is worth taking seriously.

Why Children Struggle to Name Their Feelings

Adults have decades of experience learning to identify and label emotions. Children are still building that vocabulary. When a young person feels the weight of depression — that heavy, grey fog — they often have no framework to understand it, let alone explain it to someone else. They may genuinely not know why they feel the way they do. This is not evasiveness. It is simply where they are developmentally.

This is why children so often express emotional pain through their bodies and their behaviour. The stomach ache before school, the sudden refusal to go to football practice, the tears over something that seems small — these are often the language of a child whose inner world is in distress.

How to Start a Gentle Conversation

If you are worried about your child, the most important thing is to open the door without pressure. Try sitting alongside them — in the car, on a walk, side by side on the sofa — rather than face to face, which can feel confrontational. You might say something like: "I've noticed you seem a bit down lately. I'm not trying to pry, but I want you to know I'm here whenever you want to talk."

Resist the urge to immediately problem-solve or reassure. Sometimes a child simply needs to know they have been seen. Responses like "I'm sure it'll be fine" — however well-intentioned — can communicate that their feelings are not that serious. Instead, try: "That sounds really hard. Can you tell me more about what that's like for you?"

When to Seek Professional Help

If your child's low mood has persisted for more than two weeks, is affecting their daily life, school attendance or friendships, or if they have expressed any thoughts of self-harm, it is time to reach out for professional support. This is not a sign of failure as a parent — it is one of the most caring things you can do.

A first step is speaking to your GP, who can refer your child to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services). You can also access specialist support directly through services like Tea of Therapy, where your child will be matched with a counsellor who has specific experience working with young people.

How Therapy Helps

Therapy for children does not look like an adult talking therapy session. A skilled children's counsellor uses play, creative activities, and age-appropriate conversation to help a child build emotional vocabulary and process what they are feeling at their own pace. The goal is not to "fix" the child, but to give them the tools and the safe space to understand themselves — and to know that what they feel matters.

Children who receive appropriate support for depression early are significantly more likely to develop the emotional resilience to manage difficulties throughout their lives. Early help is not just kind — it is genuinely transformative.